Children don’t understand irony or sarcasm and they don’t understand change. When you’re a kid, it’s impossible to imagine that you won’t always be beaten, or bullied, or sent to bed without dinner because you just couldn’t choke down broiled beef liver, no matter how you buried it under mashed potatoes or ketchup.
As the youngest of three girls in my family, I had a preview of life by seeing how my sisters did or didn’t navigate it: struggling with boys, school, girdles, and spike heels. It never dawned on me that I wouldn’t have to worry about garter belts or practice walking on 5” heels – I had no idea that something like fashion changed. And that not only wouldn’t I have to wear girdles and stockings, but panty hose would also flitter away into a great abyss.
My relationship with change has always been very flexible. On one hand, I enjoyed change and trying out new ideas when I produced informational programs at CBS/Fox Video. Yet everyone around me, meaning people in marketing and sales, hated change. They hated having to figure out how to market new projects. They just wanted to do the same old thing- take a movie and its poster and release it on videocassette.
While I was doing my doctorate, I started running marathons. I didn’t live far from Central Park, so every morning I ran there, picking up my best friend and running partner on the way and we would run between 3 and 6 miles in the park. I couldn’t imagine NOT running and not being involved in the running community. For eight marathons and one triathlon, I lived and breathed running and working out. Yet today it’s been decades since I did those marathons and now, I walk, not run, 5 miles a day. And I haven’t seen my running partner in over twenty years.
Other than babysitting, my first job was as a cashier in a supermarket was when I was 16. Since then, I have always worked. As part of my upbringing, the value of money was underscored, and so I saved money from that first job. Now, due to a lot of diligence, luck and more than a few blessings, I have been informed that I don’t need to save anymore. In fact, that I can feel free to buy things if I so desire. That’s one of the hardest changes I have had to make it. On this, I’m very much a work-in- progress.
Today, less than two weeks to the election, I am scared contemplating the changes I may have to make: to choose between leaving this country or living under an authoritarian regime. I don’t see either of those changes as positive.
After Drumpf won in 2016, I wrote in this very intermittent blog, that I was grateful that I had lived a good part of my life without the shadow of Drumpf poisoning every aspect of my life. I still feel that way. Grateful for the life I had before this country became infected with conspiracy theories, hatred and fear. And praying, like I’ve never prayed before, that somehow, we can right ourselves from our floundering, and that, rather than the idea of change evoking fear, it can retain its power, excitement, and endless possibility. I would be so grateful.
