Watching HBO’s Confirmation, I am drawn back in time.
I remember sitting in front of my television literally glued during Anita Hill’s testimony.
I didn’t know all the inside stuff this film shows (obviously) but I knew when someone was telling the truth and when someone was not.
And I understood completely how a woman could continue her professional relationship with someone who may have harassed her, made her uncomfortable with unwarranted sexual discussion and innuendo or even worse. I understood because her story was my story, which is so many other women’s story as well. In my case, the head of my doctoral dissertation committee would ask me out every summer when his wife went abroad to do research. The first summer it happened, I laughed it off, because that’s what women do. Much better to make a joke then to acknowledge the seriousness of what was occurring and make everyone feel uncomfortable. Heaven forbid.
After the summer, no unwanted invitations, and I breathed easier. I never imagined that the next summer, the behavior would start all over again. I mean, he knew I was living with someone! Didn’t seem to make a difference. He couldn’t understand why I just wouldn’t go out with him for dinner. He seemed to feel that it was no big deal—I on the other hand thought it was a GREAT big deal. I wondered whether I should go to the higher ups at the university—but I wanted to finish my doctorate. I knew that although I was right, an investigation would hold up my degree, and who knew what implications it would have on my future career. I wanted desperately to graduate and move on the next chapter in my life, and I could imagine getting all bogged down in some issue that just wouldn’t end well—for anyone. So I said nothing, And after the summer, things again went back to normal, and the following Spring I graduated.
We kept in touch. A call every year or so. Many years later, we actually went to the theatre together- he with his wife, I with my husband.
I am grateful that I completed my Ph.D. without a big ruckus, although I wonder if I did the right thing. What happened to other women who went into the program after me? They shouldn’t have had to endure the same kind of tension, fear that not going out for dinner would negatively impact their degree. They shouldn’t even have to face that dilemma.
I look at Anita Hill and what she endured. Her commitment to telling the truth changed her life — whether for the good or bad, only she can say. But I am grateful to her. Because of what she did, the chances of a woman suffering as she or I did, are, if not removed, at least seriously diminished. And one less young woman being needlessly concerned about their future because of some man’s needs/desires/fantasies– well, that’s a good thing.
