Children don’t understand irony or sarcasm and they don’t understand change. When you’re a kid, it’s impossible to imagine that you won’t always be beaten, or bullied, or sent to bed without dinner because you just couldn’t choke down broiled beef liver, no matter how you buried it under mashed potatoes or ketchup.
As the youngest of three girls in my family, I had a preview of life by seeing how my sisters did or didn’t navigate it: struggling … Read the rest
As I wrote in my last blog post- it’s not so easy to be grateful. Especially, when some days, everyone is acting so shitty. I mean we know we should be grateful because we have so much to be thankful for- not being in a war zone; not being in a flood or drought prone part of the world; not being in a mass terrorist attack. You get the drift. You’d have to be totally clueless not to realize how … Read the rest
I was trying to make a list of all the things I’m grateful for, but instead I became overwhelmed with all the things that are horrible right now and keep me in a state of never-ending depression and anxiety.
Hamas- deaths caused by Hamas, rapes by Hamas, destruction of a people by Hamas, the rise of anti-Semitism caused by Hamas lies and propaganda (Ok- anti-Semitism has been here since time immemorial, Hamas just brushed off the small amount of dirt
I try to live in a state of gratitude all the time. Well, at least as much as possible.
I really am cognizant and grateful of all that I have, especially my husband, my cats, my friends, chocolate, my health—not necessarily in that order every day.
But today, I feel like I could’ve easily been killed—so I am truly SO grateful to be simply alive.
To give some context, I got my driver’s license when … Read the rest
I live my life- as I imagine most of us do- working, loving, enjoying, commiserating, and rejoicing with my friends, family, and colleagues around me. When I do think of those who are no longer in my daily circle, because of geographical distance, different paths, or changed attitudes, I think of them somewhere in the world, going about their own lives, carrying on as always. Hopefully having a good life wherever and whatever they are doing.
AND YET
(with acknowledgement to Alan Jay Lerner’s “I’ve Grown Accustomed to Her Face”
Every person I speak to lately seriously sounds like they’re struggling with some sort of PTSD, anxiety, stress disorder, or depression. I know I feel that way. I describe it like inches of grey ash, the kind you see after a volcanic explosion, weighing me down. On my head, shoulders, eyelashes…Can’t be brushed or even washed off. Always here. Not difficult to figure out why. Onslaught … Read the rest
We all go about our day, juggling personal and professional obligations; popping on and off Zoom calls, all the while doing laundry EVERY SINGLE WEEK (ever notice that before you even turn around, the hamper is full???!!—has it been a week already?) shopping for food; answering emails; cutting cats’ toenails; buying birthday cards; killing the mealy bugs on plants with Q-tips soaked in rubbing alcohol; vacuuming hair balls… you get my drift. And unless we have a tooth problem, a … Read the rest
A lifetime ago, when I was head of production for a short-lived joint venture called CBS/Fox Video, I used to leave my office at 1210 6th avenue at 10:00 or 11:00 at night and marvel at having a car picking me up and taking me home to my apartment on the Upper Eastside.
I don’t know why that small largesse on the part of a company that was misogynistic and working me to a bone, (though doing what I … Read the rest
We have been very blessed to have had Bunky in our lives for the last 14 years.
We got him from a small rescue, KISS (Kitties in need of Someone Special) in September 2007 when he was only seven weeks old. He was a lilac point- Siamese mix, who someone ludicrously had named Brandy Alexander! We took him and his new sister (aka Smidget) home, and proceed to ferret out his REAL cat name—Bunky, (short for rambunctious!)
The first day after the election, I couldn’t imagine that Biden won. When my mind went to the possibility, I could feel the pressure of heavy tears against my eyes, as if an onion in its prime had been waved under my nose. I didn’t want to cry—it seemed so overly dramatic. But that’s how I felt. That if it were really true, that we wouldn’t have to live in a country that had been taken over by a mad … Read the rest
When I was a little girl, my mother had this dress, a bubble dress. I think it was in a soft blue, green color. More than the dress however, I remember the spike heels. My mother was five feet (with great legs) and I’m sure the spike heels helped a lot with my Dad who was 6’3”.
I remember that when my sisters got to a certain age, they started with the spike heels, and I would try walking in … Read the rest
Today August 14. 2020, is David and my 26th wedding anniversary. What better time to make a check list of things I am thankful for? This is in no way complete—and I’m sure after posting, I’ll remember some sweet production assistant who I omitted. But here goes:
Debra’s 26th Wedding Anniversary Grateful List
Mangoes;
My cat Mini who fetches a ball like a puppy;
Meeting astonishing people in the course of 25 years of documentary filmmaking like Sister Judith
It’s the little things. It’s always the little things that make life so wonderful, so astonishing, so worth it all.
For the last week or so, in anticipation of a film shoot we have out in Illinois, I’ve been trying to find the Lysol/Clorox disinfectant wipes to take on our road trip. No luck. Costco, Walmart, Shoprite, Amazon, — online or in person, strike out. So I posted on my neighborhood list serve if anyone knew where I could pick … Read the rest
Sometimes being grateful isn’t a matter of being thankful for what you have or what you’ve experienced, but rather being grateful for what you don’t have or what hasn’t happened to you.
So though I’m endlessly grateful for my cute husband, who rolls our laundry into neat piles after seeing a Marie Kondo wannabe explain how to declutter your house; and my cats; and my chocolate; and my flowering begonias; I am also grateful that I have never had a … Read the rest
I was way more connected to my father than my mother and I take after him in a great many respects. My mother – not so much.
From my father, I got my fascination with the stock market; my humor; my insane book-a-day reading ability; my thunder thighs, and certainly my competitiveness.
And yet.
There are these moments I feel like I am channeling my mother.
For my entire life growing up, and really until a couple of years before … Read the rest
I was doing my yearly reflection and writing when I was caught off guard by the din of the news channels pointing out that it was not only the end of the year, but the end of the decade. This was followed by naysayers arguing that the new decade would start in January 1, 2021. Whichever is correct, it caused me to reassess my assessment.
I don’t know how it almost slipped by me. Perhaps because the arbitrary delineation of … Read the rest
I’ve been practicing gratitude for a long time. I mean a reallllllly long time. As in before cell phones. I had 2:30 pm on my running watch and that’s how I was reminded to stop and take a moment.
And it’s a practice. A lot of the time, I don’t get it “right.” Meaning I don’t feel very grateful. And that’s especially true since Drumpf was elected.
I wonder why I had to live at this time. I wonder how … Read the rest
When I was growing up, I thought I’d go away to college. I dreamt about it, checked out and read tens of novels from the library about it, looked over innumerable catalogs—it never dawned on me that I wouldn’t go. Not once.
But when the time rolled around for me to apply not only to colleges, but for scholarships and financial aid as well, my parents refused to fill out the financial forms. “I know what they’re going to say,” … Read the rest
I am grateful to Sirius which has a Broadway channel.
And I am grateful to my mother who shared with me her love of Broadway musicals.
I didn’t have the relationship I would’ve liked with my mother. She was a difficult woman, who, in all fairness, had had a difficult, if not unfathomable first twenty years. And I was probably not a child she felt a particular affinity for. Independent, argumentative, strong-willed, emphatic, dramatic, uninterested in all the predictable girl … Read the rest
When I was a little tyke in the Bluebirds/Campfire girls, one of the many earworms they infected us with was, “Make new friends, but keep the old, one is silver, but the other’s gold.” Recently that’s been playing on my mind nonstop because this past week I’ve spent time with two of my very, very long-term friends.
My friend Cory goes all the way back to high school—we were, among other things, cheerleaders together! She was kind enough to tutor … Read the rest
I was not happy in high school. But I don’t know many people were. People may not have talked about it, but the angst was as palpable as the raging hormones.
So it doesn’t make me happy to see that in Netflix’ 13 Reasons Why, high school life is just as tortured as it was way back when. Cliques, in-crowds, mean girls, divisions like jocks and nerds, uggh. I have doubtless some good memories and one incredible friend who … Read the rest
If your mother is still alive, I envy you. If your mother is still alive and the two of you enjoy hanging out together, I envy you. If your mother has passed on, but you used to enjoy hanging out with her, I envy you. If you wax poetic about your Mom- how she’s always been your best friend, or how she’s been your role model, or how she taught you how to survive in a world that just barely … Read the rest
Years ago, I imagined what death was like. Not that I was looking for it—I just imagined that I knew.
My conception was based on an Our Town/Carousel like idea of death, where everyone’s really there in spirit, checking everything out, seeing what you’re doing, but you can’t see them and they can’t speak to you.
I think I conjured this up when I first went to Israel, and was all alone in a skeevy hotel, waiting to be transported … Read the rest
The last time I blogged, I imagined that if Drumpf actually won, I would need to be grateful that I’ve had the life I have had for all these years, without it being torn up side down.
I’m still grateful for that—but I would be lying if I said that was enough.
I find it more difficult than ever to look around and feel gratitude.
I know I’m not alone—and I suppose I’m grateful for that—but … Read the rest
I’ve been trying to figure out why this election has literally moved me to tears. Why I wake up in the middle of the night, can’t sleep, and find myself dry heaving in the bathroom. Why the possibility of a Drumpf presidency forces me to spend hours investigating a move to and appkly for visiting professorships in Canada.
In 2004, after the election of Bush for a second time, I was diagnosed with costochondritis. That’s an acute, often temporary inflammation … Read the rest
Whenever I speak about documentary filmmaking to audiences, whether students considering the field or adult aficionados of the genre, I invariably attempt to dissuade anyone from pursuing this career. Why? Because it is so friggin’ difficult. One spends more time on fundraising than creativity—by a ratio of what feels like 90 to 1. And though one may be comforted by the idea that they are doing SOMETHING to address the brokenness in the world, documentary filmmaking, on the whole, is … Read the rest
There are a lot of things in life that don’t manage to live up to one’s dream of it.
For example, I can remember a bar mitzvah of a boyfriend that I was so excited about—and not only did it not live up to my fantasy, he actually wound up inviting another girl three days before the big day!
Vacations have often been like that as well. I think about them for months, about how I’m going to relax, read … Read the rest
Watching HBO’s Confirmation, I am drawn back in time.
I remember sitting in front of my television literally glued during Anita Hill’s testimony.
I didn’t know all the inside stuff this film shows (obviously) but I knew when someone was telling the truth and when someone was not.
And I understood completely how a woman could continue her professional relationship with someone who may have harassed her, made her uncomfortable with unwarranted sexual discussion and innuendo or even worse. … Read the rest
I came home from filming in Uganda and Rwanda, stood in the middle of my kitchen, and was filled with gratitude for my floor.
Not my granite counter tops, refrigerator with ice cube maker or microwave.
My floor.
There have been many of life’s simple pleasures that I have been grateful for — malted milk balls (always at the top of my list), Cooper loving his big brother Barnes so much, a Coke after a run, walking out of the … Read the rest
Growing up, Thanksgiving in my house was a big affair. I remember my mother ז״ל waking up at 5:30 to continue the preparations she started the night before, shoving a supernaturally large turkey in the oven, and cooking all the way through till 3:00 pm when the 20 plus family and friends arrived.
Thanksgiving would start with drinks—whiskey sours with more sour than whiskey, and whatever the current fad hors d’oeuvres. One year it was cheeses, another shrimp, (which one … Read the rest
Mem’ries, Light the corners of my mind Misty water-colored memories Of the way we were.
There is always a lot to be grateful for—from the mundane (until it’s not!) food, health, job, husband, cats, etc.—but then there’s the things you don’t think about much—until like everything else, they’re gone. Like memories.
When I was younger I was a voracious reader. I would take out ten books at a time, and schlep them the seven blocks home. As I had quickly … Read the rest
At the risk of stating the obvious, no one likes admitting they were wrong. But no was has ever died of it either.
And what seems to be happening is, rather that just saying “I’m so sorry, I misspoke,” or “I’m sorry I hadn’t seen that memo, therefore the whole premise I’ve been arguing for is no longer valid,” or “I’m sorry I advised you that way, I clearly didn’t insert my brain in my skull that morning,” people dig … Read the rest
The lovely Marsha Keene-Hutchason, Executive Director of the Susanna Wesley Family Center in Missouri said to me in an interview, “Things are not as they appear.”
It may not sound overly profound, but I must hear her voice saying those words at least once a day.
Because we all live with these preconceived ideas of how things are- which is often diametrically opposed to how things really are. Like everyone thinks that documentary filmmaking is so “exciting” – but then … Read the rest
On a beautiful spring day 3 ½ years ago, I wrote the voiceover to the very first video we posted on this site. I was thinking about how grateful I was to be out and running, and that spurred me to review all the things I was grateful for, which is why I wrote the line, “Be grateful that you work with at least some people you like.”
I was thinking about this line because recently we’ve been looking to … Read the rest
Like one of those little Russell terriers who hold on tightly to Mr. Wilson’s or the mailman’s leg, by and large I won’t let go.
I won’t let go of friends, even if they’ve “done me wrong,” I won’t let go of a job even if it’s been hijacked by the forces of darkness and evil, and I won’t let go of the people who come to me with their almost impossible-to-solve … Read the rest
No matter what job you’re in, no matter how high up on the ladder you go, you always have to deal with assholes. It’s as simple as that. You think if you get to a certain level, if you own your company, or become a CEO with thousands reporting to you, or are retired and shouldn’t have to suck up to anyone any more, you will become inoculated from dealing with jerks, stupids and … Read the rest
With a nod to Peer Gynt, there are layers of people in our lives. Perhaps the layer closest to us consists of our friends or, if one is so lucky, family; then we have not-so- close friends; acquaintances; perhaps followed by business associates and on and on. For me, as I would guess for most people who produce documentaries, I have additional layers of people who I have met during filming, and then some people whom I have never … Read the rest
I don’t use the word skeevy very often. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I used it. But it was the first word that came to my mind when I came home to find a host of ants in my kitchen feeding off some cat spit up.
Perhaps it is a stereotypical girl thing that I don’t like bugs, or snakes for that matter, but I don’t often come across snakes in New York City. But bugs, well … Read the rest
Most of the time I think about tangible things that I am grateful for—concrete things, like David, chocolate, a day without snow, a day without cat vomit, an aroma diffuser, a deep, deep DEEP tissue massage, a really good book…
But today I felt grateful for possibility.
The possibility that an idea may develop into something, the prospect that the IBC could actually insure all the programs “in bulk” and thus lower the cost for all the producers; the hope … Read the rest
It was a business Christmas party of some duplication facility. Held at Tavern on the Green, for those who remember. I hadn’t been to a party in what seemed like forever, so I decided to take a girlfriend and go. Had on a red suit with black velvet cuffs and collar. Looked damn good.
When we got there, it was slow going. Like most parties, couples were hanging out with couples and there … Read the rest
When I first began this website and the videos on it, the voiceover in the very first video included the line: “Be grateful you have a job. And that you work with at least some people you like.” Well, I think I’ve written many true lines, but this has got to be in the top one!
Most of us work in a job that if we’re lucky we enjoy what we do—but the people we work for—whether that be bosses … Read the rest
It’s impossible, literally impossible not to be grateful for SOMETHING.
Here’s what I mean.
We all know that we’re grateful for big things. This week alone, a colleague of mine learned that his 29-year-old niece had died after a long battle with cancer.
Then Dennis, the husband of my neighbor Janet, ( known to my friends as the Cat Lady), had a heart attack on Friday walking up his stairs.
So with a grateful collective sigh, we are all thankful … Read the rest
I don’t know about anyone else, but since I’m lucky enough not to have had anyone close to me impacted by breast cancer, I don’t think very much about it all year long. The “girls” seem happy, pretty bras are bought for them, David is attentive, so not much to think about.
Then I go for my yearly mammogram.
Today was THE day. 11:15 am THE time.
From the moment I wake up, all I can think about is what … Read the rest
I was a Bluebird, when I was a little girl. The song we sang: “Make new friends, but keep the old, One is silver, but the other gold.” While running this morning, I remembered the short ditty and marveled that my new friends were actually my old friends.
What do I mean? Well, on Monday night the New York Board of Rabbis had their annual gala/fundraiser. David and I have worked with Rabbi Joe Potasnik now – truth be told, … Read the rest
Many of my days I have no recourse but to take on the forces of darkness: self-absorbed people who care only about privileging themselves and their circle of sycophants at the expense of the vulnerable: students.
I fight the good fight—but it’s tiring.
And today, driving to work I felt weepy—that feeling where, if anyone looks at me cockeyed —the tears would start leaking out the corners, edges, of my eyes, like baking a blintze too long and cheese oozing … Read the rest
It used to be that a blizzard was something I actually enjoyed.
I would hunker down with a good book and cook up a big batch of chicken soup, or bake a cake and enjoy the sound of the howling winds outside while I sat, warm and cozy, seemingly invincible to the vagaries of Mother Nature.
Then came the big storm in October 2011, sometimes known as the Halloween Nor’easter and even, I later learned, Storm Alfred! And we were … Read the rest
I think perhaps this thing I have about gratefulness is a result of fear.
I am afraid that one day, I’ll wake up and everything will have changed – or for that matter—nothing EXCEPT one key, monumentally important thing has changed – and not for the good. And then I’ll be looking back on the day before and wonder how was it that I didn’t know. How was it that I didn’t realize all that I had?
I may be the only one I know who actually likes to iron.
Weird, huh?!
And I actually have a bit of history with it.
Many years ago, when I went to Israel and lived on a kibbutz, I was given a choice of work placement: laundry, kitchen or children. (Much later, I fought the sexism of these positions and demanded and received a neutral job — in the chick incubator. Much later, I taught dance at kibbutzim throughout the … Read the rest
When I was in college, I didn’t want to be there. Rather than drop out, I decided to work like a maniac and graduate in three years rather than four. But that meant going to summer school and taking classes morning, noon and night.
During an intensive 3 week Intersession period, I took Elementary Spanish in the morning. 9:00 AM-12:30 PM five days a week. The professor was absolutely horrible and constantly said disparaging things—particularly about American women. All the … Read the rest
I’ve been thinking that one of the reasons it’s so hard to be grateful, is that most of us are lucky enough NOT to have been without something or someone. So we know we should be grateful for the fact that water is as abundant in our homes as air, because we’ve never had to walk for two hours to get water, wait on a line to pump it, then walk back for two hours with it balanced on our … Read the rest
What now seems like a lifetime ago, David and I were working on our first documentary together. It was called Embracing Judaism: Reaching In, Reaching Out, Reaching Up. (Don’t look at me, I had nothing to do with the title—that’s all I was given and asked to create a documentary about it!) Anyway, creating the documentary was a great experience for us—we met and interviewed absolutely super people including Rabbi Paula Mack Drill (she wasn’t a rabbi back then—I … Read the rest
So I am going to go running, and I’m a little jazzed. After all, I have been running for over thirty years so that’s far more of my life as a runner than a non-runner. And quite honestly, it can get a little boring. Years ago, when I started, I would pass the time talking. I would pick up my friend Arlene, from her home on 5th Avenue and we would enter Central Park and run miles and miles. One … Read the rest
So I am smart enough to figure out that for David to go down to Florida and see his Mom once a month, even for two days, is a better idea than for him to wait around for four months to a half a year trying to cobble together a week- long vacation. Four months, becomes five, six or seven, life gets crazy—but two days every month—well, we can manage to squeeze that in.
My Dad, may he rest in peace, was a stockbroker. Not just a stockbroker, but a great stockbroker. He parlayed a very little bit of money into a very nice nest egg– and it was through a great mind and vociferous reading.
One of my most favorites of his adages (besides his oft repeated “fear and greed rule the market”) was that you only really have three stocks in life– and if one of them is down, it really doesn’t … Read the rest
A funny thing happened on my trip to Israel over the summer. I got in touch with my ex-husband, whom I hadn’t seen in over – well, let’s just say, I hadn’t had any contact with him in literally a lifetime.
We had gotten married when I was doing my Masters at Northwestern. We returned to Israel, lived there for a year or so, then returned to NY. The marriage didn’t make it much longer after that.
It’s hard to imagine that I would ever put Angelina Jolie’s name in anything I ever wrote or talked about, much less in the same sentence with me. But I was thinking about her recent interview on 60 Minutes and her comment that she had done the most “dangerous” and the “worst” things, and that for many reasons she shouldn’t be here.
Watching Investigation Discovery (ID) Television also makes me think about why I made it through the gauntlet of … Read the rest
Without warning, the great freak Fall snow of 2011 came. On a lovely Saturday afternoon, we lost power around 1:00 pm. I thought it would come back shortly; no big deal. By the evening, David had gone to edit and still no power. Which meant of course, no lights, no eating (since I didn’t want to open the fridge and let all the cold air out) and worst of all no heat. But I still felt grateful. ’cause I had … Read the rest
Be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit
I can’t claim that for my own—it’s Albert Schweitzer’s, but I was thinking about it today after I got off the phone with my BFF and my Aunt.
I have been soo busy (though not that busy that I won’t stop and take the time to be grateful at 2:30 pm!!!!) but busy enough that I really don’t feel that I have time to do anything but work. Being grateful … Read the rest
Don’t ever think for a moment that I believe it’s easy every day to feel grateful. Some days I think, I just can’t stand all this– too much work, too much nastiness, too many people looking out for their own damn ass and hiding their true greedy intentions under psuedo caring, too many times the bad guys win, too much unrelenting injustice. I feel like I am in a continual whirlwind– it’s hard enough holding on to my hat much … Read the rest
It’s that same old thing– you never think about something until…it’s not there, or it’s not working right, or it threatens to leave, or it hurts. I mean, do you really spend a lot of time thinking about your mouth? Right now in fact, when was the last time you thought about your mouth– if you don’t have a problem with your teeth, you haven’t thought about your mouth all day. But if you have a toothache, you only think … Read the rest
I glance at a paperback, which looks like I bought it a thousand years ago, ( I DID!) yet the copyright is merely 1970. It is Joyce Carol Oates, The Wheel of Love and in the story of the same name, there’s an idea that has stayed with me for all these many years– “…if you woke up one morning and ran outside and ran away from your life, wouldn’t you come into a new one? What would it be? … Read the rest
After two days of taping gleaning down in Virginia, (which although the people were incredibly lovely, still felt like two weeks!) I came away feeling grateful for some things, I of course, had taken for granted.
I say, of course, because most people I know, take the issue of their housing for granted. Sure, they may go through some tense times as they look for a new apartment or go to buy their first house, but down in Virginia, I … Read the rest
Some days, 2:30 pm rolls around and I am not in a very grateful place. Elizabeth Warren, an absolutely brilliant woman and a woman that won’t take s**t from anyone is being denied her rightful job. An asshole wants to pay a million dollars for the first interview with Casey Anthony. My catastrophic major medical insurance sent me a letter announcing they’re increasing their premium by 20%!!! Who gets to raise their prices 20%??? But then it’s time for a … Read the rest
Water main broke two towns over and got me thinking, as I often do, about water: the importance of it, how we take it for granted, how it seems just so unimportant in the course of our day—it’s just there, like air. Who’s doing a party for water? Hip, hip hooray for water, is certainly not a sentiment on ANY greeting card I have ever seen. Unless, of course, there is a drought and water is rationed, or a water … Read the rest
So I am running this morning at a wonderful park where I live. It’s a great run, through a lot of shade, with breaks of sunlight and the intermittent odd obstacle course element thrown in- mini lakes, occasional mud fields and a bridge or two to run under. As I was running, through the bright sunshine, the underpass loomed ahead, just a dark space, impossible to discern anything. Yet, in a couple of seconds, upon entering the darkness, my eyes … Read the rest
Met a guy today at the Westside Campaign Against Hunger. Ph.D. in International Law. Wrote a book (in French, and then I think he translated it into English!) which the government there wasn’t crazy about. Now he’s here with his family, including 5 kids, petitioning for political asylum. But where can he work in the meantime? How can he feed his family until the case comes up? Cue the good people at the Westside Campaign.… Read the rest
A couple of years ago, when David and I were working on one of our very first documentaries as an inimitable team!- I interviewed a lovely woman named Tina, who had grown up in the FSU. When she was entering her teen years, she and her family managed to get the papers and immigrate to the US. When the High Holidays rolled around, she was shocked to see the police direct travel around the temple, helping the usual quiet streets … Read the rest
(ever notice that before you even turn around, the hamper is full???!!—has it been a week already?) shopping for food; answering emails; cutting cats’ toenails; buying birthday cards; killing the mealy bugs on plants with Q-tips soaked in rubbing alcohol; vacuuming hair balls… you get my drift. And unless we have a tooth problem, a … 
